EmailJenny - Vinna hela världen 2009/11/28 Seminar in Hunnebostrand's church Part 1
The interviews / transcript made and published by The Jenny Source members belong to this site.
It is not allowed to put those
on another website
without permission.
Email
Is there anybody who can‘t hear me? I have to say welcome to my English friends as well. Who speaks English? Sometimes I will give a small summary so that they can follow in the language of the angels. And when the English comes you just have to grab it.
This book hasn‘t been in 40 copies at my home in the beginning of autumn. But now it does. And you can see what stands on this book „Vinna hela världen“. And that‘s just because of Rickard Engfors from Stockholm who thought that I have such a nice handwriting so that he put it on the cover, it‘s probably not the best. The nice handwriting is just because of Inger my Swedish teacher who is sitting over there. There is nothing more fun than meeting those people who are leading ones way and who touch something within ones heart and therefore I have to thank you. I remember that you picked out my essay when I wrote about people‘s feet and boots. I was sitting in the back of the classroom and just liked my classmates. And I just wrote this essay and then wanted Inger me to read it out loud. That was big.
I didn‘t think that I was the most literary person when I was out with Ace of Base. The only thing I did before I wrote the book was: writing my name on a piece of paper. Can I have your autograph and then I wrote Jenny. That was my thing before I wrote this book. This is my Swedish teacher.
It was a great possibility this one day - I was giving lectures and talked about my life in churches before - this one day I was giving a lecture about my life as pop star in Ace of Base at Örebro‘s university and there came a woman to me and said: Couldn‘t this what you are talking about be a book? I said sure and thought this woman has no idea what she is talking about.
But there are certain things, we think that we can‘t do although we might wanna do them deep within. And that‘s very interesting. Why can‘t we do the things we want to do? Who is it that says those things to us? You can‘t sing, you can‘t talk in front of people, you can‘t hold the red line, you can‘t write. Why did I believe in this all the time. its just about doing it. And I can do it like I want it to do - I did it my way. Maybe it isn‘t the best. But I can do how I want it to be and I believe that we can create something on our own, something very unique.
This book begins of course at the beginning, but who is Jenny today? I don‘t tell that much about it in the book.
Jenny today is a glad woman, who is 37 years old, has two children and a husband and I‘m glad it‘s not the other way around. I‘m telling them that I just have one husband and two children and not the other way around - I have to explain for them what is so funny. So that they know.
I start in the beginning in the book, I start with when I was small and I write like a child in the beginning so please have some patience with the simple language at the beginning of this book. It‘s not that I write difficult long words at the end of the book but I just start to write like a child.
The first thing of the book was the chapter how it ends. I wrote about how it ends, because I thought I know about it I have special thoughts about it. I believe in heaven, where we have a lot of dear people in, at least I have, starts here and now. It‘s right here, God says I am and Jesus says I am.
When I was small I believed in God like small children do and the water and the salt water that I love so much. I tell about my parents who love each other so much and who love me and my brother and sister. And we tease with each other and play together. We played so much.
And this little girl who has it so good gets older and then there is the time for it to start school and there she meets that unlucky person who turns her life into a tough time. I call her Sussi in the book
I will translate it into the language of the angels: I‘ve been telling them a lot of stuff, but generally there is a voice inside me telling me that I can‘t do this. I‘m not good at this, I‘m not able to do this. Not singing well enough I‘m not writing well enough so I can‘t do this and then I hear a voice that says to me do it anyway and then I dare to do it. And I wonder why we are always listening to that kind of voice, because its wrong. Anyway I‘m telling them also when I went to school and I met a girl there and who turned my life into a great loneliness because the kids didn‘t want to play with me. And she was kind of the boss in the class.
New in the class
„Three weeks later Sussie is back in school and soon after this I ask her if she wants to come home with me to play. She says yes .
Just when we started to play, I have a great time showing her my Barbie-wardrobe, it‘s ringing at the door.
It is Lena, a girl that is a little older than I am. She is supposed to play with my older sister, but my sister isn‘t home yet, so I ask Lena to come in.
- Do you wanna play with Sussie and me till she comes? I say to Lena.
Mom and dad were always very thoroughly to learn us that we should always play together.
Lena thinks this is good but Sussie isn‘t very happy when she gets to know that there is someone else who wants to join our game. She is sitting on the bed and is angry, holding her hands in front of her face.
What shall I do? Mom and dad didn‘t tell that it could be like this. The purpose of playing together is that everybody is happy and nobody has to be outside the game. (...)
Suddenly she is raising herself from the bed and leaves the house.
When I come to the school the day after I get into the line as usual. It was exhausting that Sussie was so sad yesterday and that I couldn‘t comfort her but I have so many nice friends in my class this is luck.
No one says hi.
No one says one single word to me.
I go to them and try to talk to them one after one of all my friends but they pretend I‘m not there.
I don‘t understand anything.
After a while I get it. Sussie is so pleased when she realises how good her plan worked out. No one is allowed to play with me. After one month of funny games together with good friends I have nothing left.
This exclusion period goes on for some weeks and after some time I realize that it is me something is wrong with. My shoes are strange. My hair is ugly. My family is not like a family should be. My clothes look funny. I find several things that are wrong with myself and everyone in my class confirms my thoughts with not talking with me and not playing with me. Nothing is the same anymore.
I continue to describe different situations around it how this has an impact on my ongoing life. And even when I get the chance to be Mary in the Christmas play I‘m so scared because I just got it right before Sussie. I‘m so scared that this will happen again, that the kids will stop talking to me again. (looking at her teacher) I live with this fear the first years of school.
And then I started middle school and things got better and then I start high school and then I met you. I describe also how things change when new children come into the class and we get older. New things happen and we get new perspectives. And suddenly even I get an invitation to a party on Saturday or Friday, which has my name on it. But all the time I have my child believe. Lina can‘t we sing? Can you get 40 psalm books? Can someone help?